Category: relationships

My thoughts on a mix of friendships, family and romantic relationships

Trust

On By musingofmeIn relationshipsLeave a comment

** Disclaimer! – This is one of those brain dump/emotions kind of posts**

When you’re young you trust without caution, you have no experience of anyone abusing your trust or letting you down, and then somewhere along the journey of life – cheesy! – you start to question your blind trust.

Without realising it I had my trust broken when i was about 9 years old. Seems like no big deal however now as a 26 year old woman i can say i struggle with trust and only recently made the connection. I blindly trusted that no matter what; the family love i was surrounded with was unconditional. Turns out all it took was for an unexpected and tragic event to occur and that love came with many conditions. So many in fact that it was no longer provided to an innocent 9 year old due to the adults own perception of reality.

Seems a heavy start to a post however it’s been playing on my mind and as my mum was recently home again it gave me an opportunity to talk about it. It was only after me raising something else with my mum that she highlighted to me what had happened when i was 9. I was ready to try hypnosis to try and “fix” my unconscious mind because i was becoming aware of negative self talk and couldn’t connect why i was doing it.

Turns out all i really needed was to voice what was in my head with my Mum, and she was able to help me unpick all of the thoughts and understand why I was thinking in that way. It’s the start of a journey but it’s one i feel far more in control of than i did a week ago!

 

-K xx

Brothers

On By musingofmeIn relationshipsLeave a comment

“To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time” – Clara Ortega

I can honestly say that growing up as the middle child, and only girl 100% had its benefits, along with some downfalls!

For one thing i never had to share my clothes or make-up, but I did get tied to washing poles and buried alive.

As we have grown older and moved out of the family home our relationships have changed, no longer are me and my younger brother the twins we once were, and me and my older brother no longer seem to hate each others guts as much!

Despite us all being older and busy building our own careers and lives, i still very much believe that my brothers will always be on my side, on my page and able to pick up wherever we left off. Don’t get me wrong i still look at my baby brother as a 4 year old running around in his superman pants demanding he doesn’t get the pink cup at dinner and my big brother will always be this over protective quiet force that better not be tested. But on day to day life we are cubs of the same pack and will always have each others backs.

Is this just my family, or has anyone else found that their relationships change with their siblings as they have grown older?

 

-K xx

Relationships

On By musingofmeIn relationshipsLeave a comment

I guess from an early age people always talk about relationships and how they benefit people and how we strive to be in a “good” relationship.

I suppose then the question is what makes a “good” relationship compared to a “bad” one, if it makes you stretch your comfort zones is it good? or if it seems an uphill struggle is it inherently bad?

When i was younger i naively believed that by now i would be married with kids, i would have a career – which i would excel in! And my kids would be healthy, happy and kind and my husband would adore me. Flash forward and i am still just as confused about what i want and need from life as i was back then!

Life changes you, that’s a fact. You go to school and you learn about the world, you speak to adults, parents, family and they teach you all sorts of information however no one seems to sit you down and say by the way growing up is really difficult, and it doesn’t stop when you finish High School, in fact some might argue after High School is when it gets real difficult.

Now i personally believe that our education system is archaic and doesn’t teach or stretch the minds of young people or emphasise just how great it is being different and how different skills are needed to survive, instead there is too much credit laid on being able to read and repeat. Now don’t get me wrong in school i was able to pass exams well without studying, i was naturally talented, but it didn’t set me up for life, in fact it may have hindered me as i went on to believe that life was as easy as school, that you just turned up, listened and repeated and you were done!

However, i digress. My original point of the post was to pose the question what makes a relationship “good” or “bad” and who decides? Is it the people in the relationship, society viewing the relationship or the cosmos in its infinite glory and wisdom?

Personally i think we have to go through a number of kinds of relationship before we fully understand ourselves, and only then will we meet a person who has also gone on a self discovery as cheesy as it sounds! Once you meet that person, suddenly things make sense. Such as why you are quick to react, or slow to trust. Why you will accept some behaviours and yet others are abhorrent to you.

I guess if all else fails you can always call your mum and ask her, at least that’s my current strategy!

 

-K xx