Wandering into your life…

Do you ever sit back and look at all the hundreds of people that have wandered across your life and wonder where they went, what are they up to now and do they remember you.

I’m not sure why, but recently I keep catching myself thinking of people I’ve come across anyone from the guy who served me coffee in Starbucks to friends from school to dates I’ve been on. It’s a fleeting thought, a momentary madness some might say but mostly just curiousity.

I wonder if they felt me coast across their life in the same wave of calm or if I crashed through like a tornado or whirlwind of excitement, emotion and energy. I remember once a boy describe me as a whirlwind when I broke up with him and I never understood why it was a bad thing. He said I came into his life changed it all about and left all at once and so fast he wasn’t even sure it had happened, now to me in my naive mind that was almost a compliment! Guess who’s an optimist?! I figured it was great to have someone with a burst of energy come in like a breath of fresh air and re-allign it all, now that I’m older I can look back and see what he was trying to say.

We walk, run, skip and slide in and out of people lives often without conscious thought, minding our own business focussed on our own means however I think it’s nice to sit back and look at it from an outside perspective, if for nothing else a bit of self realization and momentary mindfulness.

Anyway enough random ramblings and brain dumps for one night, let me know your experiences and if you’re a whirlwind or wave of calm.

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Mental Health Awareness

** Disclaimer – This is a brain dump of thoughts, its not founded on fact, it is purely opinion **

I’ve been mulling over a thought/concept for a few weeks now and so it seemed like here was as good a place as any to try formulate it and work out the kinks.

“Has our requirement for mental health awareness increased or has it remained the same but our ability to comprehend the thoughts has changed?” – K (2018)

The above question will no doubt conclude with a to some extent however i’d like to use this post to see two sides of a coin (there may be more hypothetically but lets stick to two for now)

Side One
Our requirement for mental health awareness has increased and this is due to other needs having been met, if we look at Maslows hierarchy of needs – https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html – we find that our basic needs have been met a long time ago. One could argue that the bottom three tiers have been accomplished within western society and so we are now focused on our esteem and self actualisation. This side of the coin would believe that we as a society have not become more needy as it were, but simply more aware of our needs. We no longer have the concern of shelter or food and so it opens our minds to focus on ourselves, to be the best versions of ourselves and to fully understand why we behave in the manner we do and why some people struggle to abide by social norms and values, it could almost be argued that there is not deviant behaviour but in actual fact members of society that are not performing to the same level are simply on a lower tier of the hierarchy of needs and working through this. Much in the same was as in earlier years the stronger members of the tribe would hunt and the less able would stay behind and build shelters, both are needed in order to survive but its working to different strengths and abilities.

 

triangle

 

Side Two
An opposing argument to the above would be that we have become more “needy” for lack of a better term because we as a society have lost faith, we have turned our back on organised religion for the most part and so as a result have lost the feeling of belonging and the confidant aspect of the Priest/Father/Imam/Cohen (insert the leader of any other religion that people may subscribe to) There was a time within society that people would fear the church, they would attend services every Sunday without fail, the members of the congregation would look after one another and would notice if someone started to behave differently. Within this institution it allows it members to talk about whats on their mind, to have a reason for good or bad things happening and to feel a part of something and not alone. So it could be argued that because this is less common in today’s society, and we are more aware of not only religion but science and spiritualism, we have possibly separated too far and so as a result have diluted our support network that would ordinarily have existed within society.

Like i said at the start of the post this is 100% a to some extent kind of answer to the question, as i believe we have lost our faith along the way, myself included as i would say i’m more spiritual than religious however i also believe that we have evolved within society and that if we were to study our western society to another in a more developing area of the world I would expect to find they were not concerned with the labels that come with mental health and their concerns were more focused on survival.

 

Let me know your thoughts below

-K xx

Trust

** Disclaimer! – This is one of those brain dump/emotions kind of posts**

When you’re young you trust without caution, you have no experience of anyone abusing your trust or letting you down, and then somewhere along the journey of life – cheesy! – you start to question your blind trust.

Without realising it I had my trust broken when i was about 9 years old. Seems like no big deal however now as a 26 year old woman i can say i struggle with trust and only recently made the connection. I blindly trusted that no matter what; the family love i was surrounded with was unconditional. Turns out all it took was for an unexpected and tragic event to occur and that love came with many conditions. So many in fact that it was no longer provided to an innocent 9 year old due to the adults own perception of reality.

Seems a heavy start to a post however it’s been playing on my mind and as my mum was recently home again it gave me an opportunity to talk about it. It was only after me raising something else with my mum that she highlighted to me what had happened when i was 9. I was ready to try hypnosis to try and “fix” my unconscious mind because i was becoming aware of negative self talk and couldn’t connect why i was doing it.

Turns out all i really needed was to voice what was in my head with my Mum, and she was able to help me unpick all of the thoughts and understand why I was thinking in that way. It’s the start of a journey but it’s one i feel far more in control of than i did a week ago!

 

-K xx

Happiness…

” Everyone you meet always asks if you have a career, are married or own a house as if it’s some kind of grocery list. But no one ever asks if you’re happy ” – Heath Ledger

This quote has always stuck with me, I genuinely believe that if you chase money or status you will always be looking for more. However if you chase happiness then the job will come, the partnership will happen and the home will be built.

I’ve changed career quite a few times already, been to college for something that wasn’t related to my career but just for the sake of interest and somehow managed to land in a field of work that I really get a buzz from.

If I could go back in time to my 16 year old self choosing subjects in school for my future, I would advise to go with whatever was going to make me happy at that time because the skills I’ve learned since leaving school are the ones that I now require, not necessarily the skills I learned while sat in class.

If you could go back would you change the choices you made?

– K xx

Brothers

To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time” – Clara Ortega

I can honestly say that growing up as the middle child, and only girl 100% had its benefits, along with some downfalls!

For one thing i never had to share my clothes or make-up, but I did get tied to washing poles and buried alive.

As we have grown older and moved out of the family home our relationships have changed, no longer are me and my younger brother the twins we once were, and me and my older brother no longer seem to hate each others guts as much!

Despite us all being older and busy building our own careers and lives, i still very much believe that my brothers will always be on my side, on my page and able to pick up wherever we left off. Don’t get me wrong i still look at my baby brother as a 4 year old running around in his superman pants demanding he doesn’t get the pink cup at dinner and my big brother will always be this over protective quiet force that better not be tested. But on day to day life we are cubs of the same pack and will always have each others backs.

Is this just my family, or has anyone else found that their relationships change with their siblings as they have grown older?

 

-K xx

Happy Places

Have you ever been somewhere and just stopped for a minute, taken a real deep breath and just felt completely and utterly relaxed?

For me that happens in one of three places;

Mountains
Hill tops
Beaches / By the water

It’s hard to describe but the feeling that washes over me when i get to the top of a hill or climb a mountain isn’t just pride and amazement that I’ve survived, but pure unadulterated joy. The type of joy you want to clap your hands, jump up and down and click your fingers all simultaneously.

Being next to water is different, for me it brings a wash of calm, now some may argue the lapping of the waves on the shore is symbolic of the fluid in the womb and the feeling of love and care and support from mother to baby. However i would like to believe its because deep down “I AM MOANA!” and the water is full of adventure and amazement and excitement, alongside calming influence with its vast power and ability to tear down mountains, whilst in other places being a babbling brook.

I think in life we often forget how much pleasure we can gain from the simple things like nature, how spending just one hour of your week walking in the hills, or strolling the shore of the beach could be a hugely positive thing for you and your mental health. I know for me when I’m feeling overwhelmed and claustrophobic my first point of action is to get either as high up a hill as possible or as close to the water as i can.

Maybe next time you’re feeling like that, you could give it a shot and let me know if it works!

 

-K xx

The Extroverted Introvert Paradox

I have always been described as an outgoing, excitable person with an extroverted personality, a real glass half full kind of girl.

When I was younger the worst punishment imaginable to me was to go to my room, alone, with no company. I was worried i was missing a party, and in my little mind there was always a party going on!

Progress on twenty odd years and I appear to have flipped the other way, something i have noticed more recently – and i’m not sure if its a new thing i’m just becoming aware of or if its always been there. Is that if i don’t message or initiate conversation first then it simply doesn’t happen, now that doesn’t seem like an issue for an extrovert I hear you cry.

This is where the introvert paradox comes into play, perhaps my exterior personality is that of an extrovert but if I truly listen to myself and think about it, am I an introvert? Do I prefer my own company, do social situations make me want to go for a nap, am I happier solo? A further question would be is that okay? Can an extrovert become an introvert, and conversely can an introvert become an extrovert?

I’m not entirely sure what it all means, and to be honest i’m not sure if it means anything at all, perhaps it is simply me awakening to the idea that there isn’t always a party going on, perhaps time alone is actually a good thing and just maybe if people want to talk they will message you first and you don’t need to always initiate.

-K xx